Forget The Hard Parts And Remember All The Awesome Things

“Treasure these memories, someday you’ll miss them…” ~Every person with grown children

What a load… I mean who actually believes that? I am told on a daily basis to treasure ALL these memories because my kids will grow up too soon. I know, I’ve only been a parent for 6 years and 1 day so I’m not exactly an expert on “missing memories” but I seriously cannot think of a more insane thing to say to a young mother in the “throws” of parenting 4 children 6 and younger. I call it throws because on a daily basis I think about how much I will not miss throwing food, throwing toys, throwing tantrums and throwing up. In fact, given my love for lists, I have a top ten list of things I will not miss about raising small children…

1. Diapers- anybody who argues this point is mental. I HATE diapers. I HATE potty training. I will not miss them

2. Noise- I used to think my dad was so strange because he never wanted the radio on in the car. I was obsessed with the radio, singing, talking, anything to avoid silence… What was I thinking? Point taken, Bob Turner.

3. Car Seats- I swear it’s like advanced puzzles for adults. Do you connect the buckle and then hook it? Do you hook it separately? Should you use an anchor when you belt the seat in? Have you ever tried to lean over a seat and buckle a squirming 3-year-old in the backseat? Necessary evil I understand, but evil all the same…

4. Questions- My mom always tells me that we asked lots of questions (so many that she started keeping a count on one trip). I can imagine that my kids are at least in the running for either a) most questions asked in a single day or b)most obvious questions asked consecutively. In fact, during the writing of this one item I have answered 6 questions (can I have more popcorn? x 3, can we have cake? x 2 and is the popcorn gone? x1)

5. Children alarm clocks- Is anybody else tired of waking up to the feeling you’re being watched? How about the 5:30am wake up call “can I have breakfast” or “I need to potty?” Am I right?

6. Mompetition- Let me just say that my kids eat McDonald’s, don’t always get a bath everyday, have stayed inside 2 days in a row without seeing the sun and don’t always watch educational programs… it’s not a competition, but if it was I would lose… Will not miss the reminders that I am the #worldsworstmom

7. Poor Hygiene- I am at the present writing this blog on day 2 of no shower… I got off work Monday morning and showered… It is now Wednesday morning and I am pretty proud of the fact that I’m not wearing the same clothes… Will not miss this…

8. Broken things- I used to think about all the lovely things I would have in my house when I grew up. Things that didn’t make that list? Broken TV stand that has the knobs removed (so that children cannot get to the movies) and has to be opened with a spoon, dining room chairs without a back from children knocking over the chairs and nearly decapitating themselves, dresser with drawer front missing from super child simply pulling the front off with one arm… the list could go on but I think you get the point.

9. Horrifying honesty- “Mommy you’re fat.” “Is that why you’re so old?” “Don’t touch me with your gross hands.” Believe me, this would be the longest item on the list but I don’t have that kind of time. I will not miss the very quick walk away or having to explain that it hurts mommy’s feelings when we call her fat or try to bury our hand in her belly…

10. Unsolicited advice- Listen stranger-at-the-grocery-store-who-doesn’t-have-any-children, I know that if this was your kid  you would (fill in the blank), but it’s my kid and if you don’t back off you’re the next one getting a spanking! I cannot even count the amount of unsolicited advice I get from people with no children, people with younger children who are badly behaved, people who are children… I’m in advice up to my eye balls and let’s be honest, if I want advice I will call my mom who has already done this thanks…

I know this must be terrifying for anyone who is thinking about having children but truthfully it’s not all bad. In fact, for everything I’m sure I won’t miss about parenting small children there is something I am sure I will miss. True to my love of lists, here is 10 things I know I will miss about raising small children.

1. Small successes- It’s just not as exciting when your 16-year-old pees in the potty. The difficult things for parents become the foundations of celebration for young children and I will miss the excitement of small successes and the “are you so proud of me?” moments.

2. Noise- specifically the baby cooing, giggles and belly laughs. These are the sounds that shaped my initial love for these wild toddlers and young boys. The sounds that made me forget the pain of giving birth, the exhausting nights without sleep and guilty thoughts that I was never going to be “good” at being a mom.

3. Chauffeuring- I know that my kids will not always be in the car with me. Someday they will be in their own cars with me praying they are okay. I know my time with them is valuable now because it is much shorter than my time without them will be.  

4. Questions- not the endless, seemingly pointless questions, but the important ones. Is God real? Did Jesus die for me? Do you love me to the moon and back? Are you proud of me? Basically all the questions that I get to answer with yes. I love saying yes to these kids!

5. Snuggles in bed- This seems like a child alarm clock but it’s a little different. It’s the first thing in the morning, “Mom, can I snuggle you?,” climb into bed and lay on you snuggle. So much better than the eyes on your back first thing in the morning…

6. Solidarity- When in your life do you get to be in a group of women who are like “3 days of no showering isn’t so bad” or “it took more than 8 months to put that weight on.”  Young moms are a united group of women who are just trying to keep it together and I will miss this when I am expected to actually “get it together.”

7. Watching my husband play with our kids- Chuck Ramseur is a seriously intelligent man. He is going to be an equally awesome dad to grown children because he loves to engage in deep discussion but I will seriously miss watching him wrestle in floor, tickle and laugh with our kids.

8. Pictures of Jesus- right now my daughter is completely obsessed with drawing Jesus. In fact, she drew him about 10 times with a pen on her bedroom wall. While I thought my head would explode at the time, I’m pretty sure I will miss the innocence of just needing to draw Jesus wherever she can. I haven’t been able to bring myself to paint over it yet…

9. Horrifying honesty- because if we’re completely honest this is hilarious. How many other times in their life will they get to call someone fat, tell someone the truth about their hair, let someone know they have gas or that the food is gross?

10. Unsolicited hugs- Like I even need to explain this…

The truth is that parenting small children is really hard. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done but it is also by far the most rewarding. Every challenge has an equally rewarding outcome and I will miss the meaning that my children have brought to my life. However, right now I am doing my best to just “forget the hard parts and remember all the awesome things.” That’s the advice people should be giving parents of young children.

 

If Peeing In Your Pants Is Cool, Consider Me Miles Davis

It happened. My worst nightmare for my kids. I got a phone call from the school saying, “Malachi had an ‘accident.’ Can you come get him?” I got there just in time to witness my son coming completely unglued in the office, followed by the explanation. I’ll give it to you in stages.

Stage 1- Malachi’s class goes to the bathroom.

Stage 2- Malachi’s class receives instructions to ask questions at the end of the presentation about upcoming tests.

Stage 3- Malachi starts to raise his hand because he’s “gotta go.”

Stage 4- Malachi’s very sweet teacher reminds him to “please save all questions until the end.”

Stage 5- Malachi just can’t hold it.

Stage 6- I receive the phone call

Stage 7- Mr. Rick tries to help Malachi change into something dry. Malachi comes unhinged when he’s asked to take his underwear off because they’re wet.

Stage 8- I arrive at the school

Stage 9- Malachi comes home and takes a bubble bath.

No parent ever wants to see their kid embarrassed (cue horribly embarrassing blog eternally on internet about peeing your pants) but today was seriously one of my proudest days! Here are 5 things that make me proud to be Malachi’s mom!

1. My son is obedient to the point of wetting his pants. There was no talking back when he was told to hold the questions. Even though today it didn’t work out in his favor, I am incredibly proud of the respect he showed his teacher by obeying. 

2. My son isn’t taking his undies off for ANYONE! Way to go Malachi!

3. My son can laugh at himself. On our way home I told him accidental onesies are always better than accidental twosies and he cracked up (of course his mom is hilarious so he really couldn’t help himself)!

4. My son is brave. He told me that he didn’t want to be in trouble when he got home. It was easy to tell him to just talk to his dad because I knew he wasn’t going to be in trouble but I know it was scary for him. He said, “my stomach hurts” as he walked in to tell Chuck what happened but there were no tears until afterward (sweet tears of relief).

5. My son knows that one moment does not define him. After his luxurious bubble bath he told me, “Mom, I’m still a big boy, I just had a bad day.” I’m so glad that he’s already learning this lesson because I know that there are way worse things that my son will have to deal with as he grows up.

So basically at our house today “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” but mostly just the best of times because my son, Malachi “Peeing Your Pants Is Cool” Ramseur is AWESOME!

I’m Going To Teach You Something…

Kindergarten is the hardest grade I have ever had to help someone pass…

I’m 28 years old and three weeks ago I had to google “number bonds.” Two weeks ago I was googling Abraham Lincoln. I have done more homework since my son started kindergarten than I did in 4 years of college. It is insane. The best part is that my son will basically be a genius by the end of the year. The worst part is my laughing uncontrollably at inappropriate answers to basic questions and my sons ability to make any drawing hysterical. See “stick figure whipping/zebra” above…

This week we are doing a lot of work with rhyming words and we got to a page that required Malachi to write a word that rhymes (with whatever picture they have) and then draw a picture of the word he chose. The first word was Thing. Malachi was having a hard time so I said, “Son, I’m going to teach you something. Pick a letter.” My thought was that whatever letter he picked would turn thing into ding, sing, wing, etc. He picked “A.” Seriously??? I can’t work with that. Let’s move on…

Then we got to the page that instructed him to write as many words as he could that have “or” in them. Again we struggled. Again I went with “pick a letter.” He led with “H.” How in the world are we supposed to pass kindergarten if I can’t even get through one assignment without laughing until I cry?

To finish up the evening Chuck decided to work on rhyming with our 4-year-old, Isaiah. They made it through about 50 different rhyming sequences. Isaiah caught on really fast and before long he was leading the rhyming. Before he was sent to bed he climbed in Chuck’s lap and said, “Dad, do you know a word that rhymes with fruit?” and then demonstrated.

Learning is so much fun!

Wacky Hair Wednesday… More like Worst Parenting Wednesday

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Dear Grandpa Malachi,
I am so glad that you are a confident child. You are such a perfect combination of silly like your mom and sweet like your dad and, like him, you have a beautiful way of letting mean and rude comments roll right off. I am so thankful for those qualities. Especially today when I have shaved your cute little head into the grandpa cut for Wacky Hair Wednesday.
You looked so hilarious that I made sure to take pictures and post them on the internet. I just knew that your hair would be a big hit at school! Sitting at home now, I’m sure it is.
I dropped you off this morning and while sitting in the car line I watched at least 20 students hop out of their parents’ cars with their hair in pony tails, no crazy hair, no silly hat… Nothing “Wacky” at all. In fact, not a single person participated… except you.
I am going to have lunch with you in a little while and I am bringing my clippers just in case today is bad. I’m baking cookies for you to enjoy when you get home and I am praying that kids are not as cruel in Kindergarten as they are in middle school.
Today will be a valuable life lesson for you and me both.

I love you and I’m sorry,

Worst Mom Ever

And Then She Drank the Lord’s Supper…

Please don’t misunderstand. I love going to worship. I love my kids. I just don’t always love going to worship with my kids…

Be warned, this is not a mushy post about magical moments with children. This is straight venting.

Today was disastrous. We woke up with plenty of time and still felt rushed. To be honest, most days I feel rushed no matter how long I have to make sure we’re all ready to go (even when my husband gets the kids ready because he can tell I’m having one of “those” mornings).

We got to the church building first. I let the kids play in the nursery for a few minutes to try to pep talk myself into teaching their class (because let’s be real, you can only sing the fuzzy wuzzy caterpillar song so many times before you have to pep talk yourself into it). It started off great and then it just fell apart. I’m not really sure what happened but at one point I realized that none of my children were engaged. In fact, at one point I stopped talking altogether and none of them noticed. Literally, none of them even noticed. They kept talking to each other and did not even realize I had stopped class. Isaiah forgot ALL of the memory verses that we review every week, Titus tried to eat a plastic waffle and Naomi crushed my heart when she took the Lord’s name in vain. Let’s just suffice it to say that not only was class really, REALLY bad but it was also just the beginning.

After class was over Isaiah said he had to potty and wanted to take himself (he’s 4). He’d been gone all of 3 minutes when one of the ladies came to tell me “Isaiah is in the bathroom with all the lights off and I walked in on him, is he okay by himself?” Clearly not… Isaiah’s cries of “I peed on myself” rang through the church building and that was the end of worship for us.

Chuck got a ride home from the church building and came bearing sweet gifts from Bobbie Rainey (friendship bread) and the Lord’s Supper for a 98 year old Christian gentleman he visits at the nursing home. I made Chuck scarf down some chicken strips I picked up on the way home while I sat on the couch with what I thought were all of the kids. I was so tired that I didn’t notice Naomi had gotten down until Chuck hollered, “who drank the juice in the kitchen?” For real, she drank the Lord’s Supper!

At this point I basically just lost it. I mean really, truly lost it. I laughed until I cried because it is clear that the minions are winning today.

I’m not trying to wish the time away, really I’m not. People are always telling me, “someday you’ll wish they were young again.” Seriously though, right now I just wish I could hear an entire sermon, sing without them crying and pray with my eyes closed.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you that some awesome thing happened after all the craziness. Truthfully, the best thing that happened today was naptime. I can tell you this though, God knew this parenting thing wasn’t easy and if you’re morning went something like mine I suggest that you read Psalm 127:3-5, Matthew 18:10, Matthew 19:14-15, eat a piece of delicious friendship bread and pray. That’s what I’ll be doing for the next 20 minutes.